Friday, July 26, 2013

Do You Have Self(ie) Respect?

I saw a sign posted all over a large television studio set advertising a $5,000 reward for the return of a lost cell phone.  Why so much coin?  It wasn’t because of the celeb riddled phone book, but the media card filled with uber personal photos.  My heart went right out to the owner, as she was doing all she could to protect her privacy. Unfortunately, not everyone does.

Credit: Twitter, @GeraldoRivera
There’s a reason things haven't gone well lately for Geraldo Rivera, Anthony Weiner and Amanda Bynes.  They all broke a sacred selfie rule.

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with taking a selfie.  In fact, there are many instances in which I fully encourage it.  But there are guidelines that must be followed, and a certain respect to be paid… Yes, selfie respect.

Here are the no-nos:

Never, ever use the bathroom mirror.  In other words, if I can enlarge the photo to see if your TP flap goes under or over, don't do it.

No duckface or pushing your boobs up.

No flexing, eating, showering, driving, jerking or twerking.

No headless photos of you laying out in a bathing suit.

Don't overdo it.  If you've practiced safe selfie within the last month, there is likely little reason for you to do so again.

And for the love of God, no work out photos.  Are you exercising for your own health or for mine?  Because seeing you sweat profusely is making me wanna vomit.

A few green lights:

Fully clothed children should always be permitted to take (non-bathroom) selfies. (However tweens, even if covered up like Nanook of the North, should not.  It just looks creepy.)

Thankfully, selfies with a celeb are always allowed.

So are selfies where you intentionally look as ugly as humanly possible in the hope that you can occupy your children for just a few moments while they play "count mommy's chins".

I also appreciate announcements of a new look, like this cutie with the caption "am I pulling off fedorable?" from @carinnjade at Welcome to the Motherhood.

New hair, new specks or a new 'stache (on a dude) all warrant a selfie blast.  New boobs, on the other hand, do not.

Those are a few of my priorities, but I was curious to kick the question out on Facebook and Twitter to see what everyone else had to say.  Here are a few of my faves:

"Crop out your extended arm while taking the picture so you can perpetuate the illusion that possibly someone else took it" (from fellow producer extraordinaire Peter Higgins)

"When doing so in a bathroom, try to avoid the person sitting on the toilet behind you." (from documentarian @trevorbaierl)

"What about the ugly girls that find "The Angle" that's makes them look pretty but in reality they look like Shrek?" (from @Dylan_Jaramillo)

Hopefully you guys know by now that I am all for positive body image and self-empowerment.  I get that there are plenty of selfies that are cool to take, just not to share. Included in that list is anything you wouldn't late night text to your Grandmother.

Bottom line, use your head.  Literally.  Model Lynsee Gonzales says "always take it from above... stick your chin out and down".

With that... have a wonderful, "selfie respectful" weekend.