Thursday, March 21, 2013

5 Reasons I Can't Ignore Jon Hamm's Penis (Or The Gross Things Men Do) Any Longer

My brother farted on my face when I was little.  I passed on a college spring break at the beach with the girls in exchange for a trip to Ireland with the boys.  I spent the summer of 2009 with some of the most vulgar men in Bachelorette history living in what they (lovingly) called a “barn” while Jillian Harris lived in a mansion- and left with not even a scratch.  Plus, I've had two children.

Let’s face it.  I don’t get grossed out easily.  Still, I am dumbfounded by so many of the nasty things that men do that women just don’t.

1. Why do men like to use the bathroom mirror as a gallery for toothpaste spin art?  Don't get me wrong.  I'm all for creative expression, but I also know how to use a bottle of Windex.

2. Jon Hamm loves to walk around his "office" (and apparently the city) going commando.  On the rare occasion that I visit a gym, I see many a muscular dude walking around shirtless, but never a woman.  Why is it ok for a dude to flaunt his man parts, but not OK for a woman (hopefully way more fit than I) to show hers?

3. And speaking of pants, we all put ours on the same way, but we certainly don’t remove ‘em the same.  Why do men think it is OK to drop their pants, boxers embedded, carefully step out of them like they are a sleeping baby, and then leave them on the floor?

4. Women get facials, use exfoliants and spend mucho dinero on miracle creams from the Dead Sea for their skin.  Sounds complicated, but really the solution is simple.  DUDE NEEDS A BIORE.
5. And I guarantee that any man reading this, whether at Starbucks or headed into the bathroom with his ipad in one hand, has his (other) hand down his pants.

My only hope is, if it is the latter, he will discover one of these while in there: