Moments after the first leaves have changed from green to brilliant
orange, our lives are abuzz with lists of things for which we should be
thankful. However varied, ranging
from friends and family to jobs and religion, there is one common theme. People tend to be thankful only for the
things that are present in their lives, not for those that are absent.
Honestly, it makes sense. In assessing how we feel, we take into consideration the
state of our health, home, employment, love life and even shoe collection. We think about the gifts that have come
into our lives, via hard work or good fortune, but rarely do we think about the
gifts that have left. Well, this
Thanksgiving, I am bucking the system.
Tomorrow as I sit down for dinner with my sister, her baby
bump, my brother-in-law, my husband and my two beautiful daughters, I will be
expressing gratitude not only for the things that are in my life, but for the
things that have left it.
I will be thankful as much for the marriage I have today as for
the troubled one of just a few years ago, as it was those challenges that
forced us to look closely at the weaknesses we both let damage our relationship--
and ultimately empowered us to majorly overcome them.
I will be thankful as much for the job I have today as the
one I left at The Bachelor nearly three years ago, as it was the difficult decision
to leave the excitement, stability and comfort of that opportunity which lead
to tremendous personal and professional growth elsewhere.
And I will be thankful as much for the people that are in my
life now as I am for the lasting impressions (both positive and negative) left
by those that have gone.
The funny thing is, once you are thankful for the things
that have left your life, they have an uncanny way of returning to you-
multiplied abundantly.
Several months ago, Trista Sutter reached out and asked if I
would contribute a story to her book, “Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart”. Not
long after we began exchanging ideas for what I would write, Trista sent a draft of
her introduction to my piece. For
me to learn of the impact of just one friendship I created while at The
Bachelor, likely one I would have predicted as fleeting, brought me to
tears. In fact, I had never been
so grateful for the franchise.
Shortly after that, I arrived home to three enormous boxes
delivered from my mother back east.
In them were my Barbie Dream House (circa 1978) and all of its original
contents from disco print lounge chairs to wardrobe even Lady Gaga would kill
for. And while I have my mother to
thank for meticulously packing and safe-keeping the items for decades, I am
also grateful to my father (who we lost decades ago) for buying me the pad in
the first place. His gift has now
returned to his grandchildren, whose creativity and imaginations will benefit
greatly from his aged generosity (not to mention the positive message about
body image sent by a less sexualized Barbie).
So, there is real truth in the statement that if you love
someone (or something), you should set it free. It may just come back to you in ways you never, ever
expected.
