Wednesday, March 14, 2012

If The Shoe Fits...

Literally any moment now, Jessica Simpson is putting her famous Mom Jeans to good use and becoming a mother.  So begins the great debate: Mom Jeans versus Mom Genes.  Who will prevail?  If this quote from Jessica's recent Vanity Fair interview is any indication, I am a tad concerned:

“I swear, I will croak if she asks me for a pair of Nikes instead of Christian Louboutins!”

Now, I get that the baby’s father is a professional athlete and Jessica is a professional whatchamacallit, but I am still disturbed.  Doesn't she want to raise a well-rounded daughter who can kick it in Nikes and rock it in her (by then vintage) Louboutins?  Plus, it is essential to review an entire collection before judging based on one sole pair (pun intended).

So, although the comment has always struck me as completely repulsive, I am going to put my money where my mouth is.  I’m just hoping that the critic is kind.  Luckily, she is not only a successful celebrity stylist, but also my sister.

As of this morning, I have 71 pairs of shoes- some have travelled with me since the Reagan Administration, others have barely touched pavement.  From that collection, I’m pulling a few for Jeni’s review.  And like any loving sister would do, I may debate, or smack her.

Betsey Johnson But Barely Worn
JENI: These shoes say loud and clear: "I am Fu*king Fabulous. Don't mess with me; Don't mess with my sister Jeni and don't mess with my swag. Period."  Every girl I know should have a pair.  I don't, but I plan on stealing the above this weekend, fo sho!

KL: (sigh of relief).


Born Boots I Was Born to Wear
JENI: "Hello my name is Karri. I owned and rode horses.  I wasn't that great at it, but I keep these riding boots in my wardrobe to remind me of how good my sister was...."

KL: You were a Canadian National Champion... not an Olympic Gold Medalist.  And I don't care what you say.  They look great with my jeggings.


(No Comment)
JENI: The fact that these shoes are worn in the spring makes me think mom never taught you seasonal colors.  But at least the world knows you love Santa...and you always will...even in the Spring. #teamsanta

KL: For the millionth time, they are leopard print!  Whatever.  Snooki would love them.


Claudia Ciuti
JENI: I've totally seen these before.  On Dad's secretary.  Over 20 years ago.

KL: You've always been jealous of me, Jeni.  Clearly the only thing in this photo over 20 years old is my pedicure.

Bear Paws: Rrrawr
JENI: Karri-Leigh FOR SURE lives in LA because no one in Jackson Hole wears these.  But every good LA girl has a fabulous pair of Bear Paws for Spring... to wear with her mini skirt.

KL: Don't hate.  They were a gift.... FROM YOU!


Basic Asics
JENI: Every legit working mother has a pair of kick it sneakers- for chasing the kids, working out (never) and running from the play date to grocery store.  Hence, the fact that I don't own a pair. But trust me.  If Jessica Simpson doesn't have a pair of these, she will soon.

KL: And I'm sure she will buy 3 pairs- one for the Nanny, one for the baby nurse & one for (the baby's) personal assistant.

Christian Louboutin (cue Hallelujah)
JENI: I would not be able to say you were my "for real" (not for fake) blood sister if you did not own at least one pair of (real) Louboutins... and the fact that you own a pair that are both a heel and a boot in one show me how truly resourceful you are!

KL: I may be older, but you've taught me well.

Bottom line: I've got 142 shoes and more flip flops than my kids can count, but there are only 3 pairs of ladies shoes in this house that truly matter...

Unless Jeni is here.  Then there are four.  (Can you tell who's are who's?)