Friday, June 1, 2012

What Me, You, Justin Bieber & Kate Upton Have In Common

I hate to break it to you, but Justin Bieber poops.  Hell, so does Kate Upton.

In fact, everyone poops- and I’ve done the research to prove it.

Still, it’s a tough pill for some people to swallow.  Why is it that celebrities doing everyday things will never cease to amaze us?  Let’s face it.  A snapshot of Ashton Kutcher picking up a box of magnum condoms will sell more magazine covers than everything with the word politics, combined.

Unfortunately, I am part of the problem.

I snapped this slightly disrespectful and definitely somewhat stalker-ish photo at the playground this weekend.  Seated in the sand are Elizabeth Banks and Jenna Fischer, each with their babes.

Honestly, they’d have gone completely unnoticed if not for my uncanny/creepy ability to recognize a familiar voice.  My first reaction (obviously, “oh shit, Pam is cheating on Jim!”) was quickly replaced with a survey of their baby products and some hardcore eavesdropping.

Here is the exclusive groundbreaking news I uncovered:  They are just Moms.

Most of the chatter I heard was over fear of flying not with a terrorist, but with an infant.  This is totally understandable, seeing as it’s questionable to me who would be discriminated against more at LAX.

One discouraged her son from throwing sand while the other dusted a few grains of it off the nip of a sippy cup and handed it right back to hers.  Though shockingly not in yoga pants, their clothes were understated, and the only glam squad within a hundred yard radius was for Barbie.  (Not a Mattel one, but the porn star down the street…)

Bottom line: they were normal, simple, regular moms.  Ones that, I certainly hope, would join in my efforts to stop all other mothers from creating something like this (which I discovered in a doctor’s office) ever, ever again: