Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I Hated Kim Kardashian's Wedding Headdress & Other Reasons I Don't Mind Helping My Daughter Wipe Her Bum

This is the first Gerber Baby, as sketched by Dorothy Hope Smith in 1928.

This is a photo of Monroe Cannon, daughter of Nick and Mariah Carey, styled by an absolute crazy person in 2011.

I haven’t been able to get that image out of my head since it first graced the sacred pages of my Bible, TMZ.com.  

Unfortunately though, my fascination with it has nothing to do with the pure miracle of its subject.  Instead I want to snatch the pearls from her neckline, partly because no infant should look like a Stepford Wife, but more so because they are a choking hazard.

Then I feel the need to tweet Kim Kardashian and let her know I found her wedding headdress, as I am sure it has tons of sentimental value for her.

Having read carefully, you are likely asking yourself a very reasonable question.  If I care so much, why did it take 18 months for me to spit this out?  Well, things just got personal.

My 4.5 year old has asked me to pierce her ears twice within two weeks.  Now, she has also asked if she can be a waitress when she grows up, if she can take xylophone lessons and if she can go back to her old preschool because the new one doesn’t have naptime, but I didn’t take any of those inquiries seriously, as she asked only once.  I have learned from experience that once she asks twice, I will have an easier time refusing an intravenous Diet Coke drip than I will her requests.

So far, I have evaded her, but I can’t run forever.  Eventually she will ask again, and I will have to be the grown-up.  I’ll have to give her an answer… I just can’t decide what it should be. 

I don’t blame Mariah for any of this.  Honestly, I don’t even think Monroe’s ears are pierced, or at least I couldn’t find solid proof of it.  But it's the idea of making our babies grow up faster than they need to that makes me uncomfortable.  Joking that your baby has diva tendencies is one thing… forcing them upon her is another.

To pierce or not to pierce?  Either way, I feel her slipping away already.  Thank God she’ll need me to help wipe her bum later this afternoon… That’s always a decent reminder that we’ve got a looong way to go.