Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Who Wishes They Struggled More With Sexual Orientation? I Do.

There isn’t a person in the world without a few things they wish they had done differently, but the list is definitely top-heavy with mothers.

Courtney Love, Demi Moore, Agnes Carpenter, Joan Crawford, and hopefully, Deena Lohan.

But here's another example just as applicable as any of those listed above.

(yours truly)
Surely I don’t see myself on the Mommie Dearest scale, but I’ve got time on my side.  Only four and a half years of parenting under my belt, and my list is growing.

Mistake number one was made pre-conception, so I started off strong.  Once my husband and I discussed growing our family further than our big dog, I was desperate to become a homeowner.  The thought of bringing my child into a rental “with character” felt unsettling not because an owner-occupied spot proves any more safe, but because I was naïve, and put undue stress on us because of it.  Unfortunately most parents don’t learn until after having a child that you will never, ever be 100% ready to have one.  If you say you are, you are lying (and I’ll save you a spot on the list).

My second notch on the boo-boo bedpost was of the boob kind.  It’s something I have explored here before, but will likely think about forever.  Bottom line, I wasn’t able to breastfeed because of a self-inflicted medical thingy.  So I blame myself for every cough, sniffle and hangnail my daughters have to suffer through.  But the crazy thing is that my mistake was not my inability to breastfeed or the teenage insecurities that resulted in my lack of ability to do so.  My error was in punishing myself for it.

Having quickly realized that my kids are still the bomb, I lightened up a bit, so the mistakes that followed weren’t as heavy.  (Holla.)  Here are a few quickies…

I wish I had an experience with a loved one who struggled with their sexuality so that should any of my children question or struggle with theirs as they grow, I may be more likely to come from the most understanding place possible.  I hope for that in any situation, really. 

I wish I had taken sunscreen more seriously before turning 25.  I just had skin cancer removed from the left side of my neck, and learned that our left sides are way more susceptible to damage because of our driver’s window.  I’ll likely never have another issue, but still have had a cancer that likely could have been prevented.  Epic fail.

On a lighter note, I wish I had researched the meaning of the word “hiney” before introducing it to my daughter as slang for vagina because it actually refers to the butt and she corrects me all the time.

The list can goes on, but I am surprisingly thankful for that.  Boo boos heal.  The scars they leave behind, however painful, make us who we are- a stronger, more unique self.  I can't think of a better thing to strive for.  Can you?