Two rings and then an excited “Balcom Canyon Pet Lodge, can
I help you?”
I said, “I am calling to check on Cassius”.
Her response cheery, was much like a babysitter would offer
regardless of how your child had actually behaved. Then, I went for it.
“Would you mind bringing him the phone so I can say hello and he can
hear my voice?”
My mother was happy to have us home for the holidays, but in
that moment, she looked at me as though I were certifiably insane. “Just wait until you have kids,” she
chuckled, “that dog will totally take a back seat.”
Flash forward 4 years, 2 daughters, some staunch refusal to
drive a minivan and a second (even more fashionable) dog.
It was just before Halloween of last year and I was in Las
Vegas wrapping production on the Vh1 sleeper-hit Mama Drama when my husband called
concerned that our 5 year-old Rottweiler, Sugar Ray, seemed lethargic. Within hours, but before I had the
chance to make it home, one of our best friends lost his battle with cancer
just as we learned it had begun.
We were devastated.
I have learned the hard way that it is possible to die of a
broken heart. Shortly after my
father died at the ridiculously young age of 41, his mother quickly followed. So it shouldn’t surprise me that not
long after losing his brother-from-another-mother, we lost Cassius as
well. He was barely 8.
Whether a blessing or curse, the time we lacked to process
what was happening with Sugar was abundant with Cassius. In the end, due to his terrible
veterinary anxiety, we had him put down peacefully in our home. My girls were in another room, but I knew my eldest was aware of what was taking place.
After he was gone I returned to her with puffy eyes. “Where's Cassius?” she asked, already
knowing what my answer would be.
At a loss, my mind raced.
How do you teach a toddler about death? And how do you explain heaven to a kid when you can’t even
understand it as an adult? Deep
breath, I thought.
“Cassius went to heaven to be with Sugar”. She looked at her hands and paused
briefly before responding quietly without tantrum or tears. “Can I get a new dog now?” I realized in that moment that our innocence protects us
from heartbreak, but wondered at what point we lose that miraculous gift.
I wish things stayed that simple. A mother can only hope that her child’s first encounter with
death will be that of a pet. I
think the best case scenario is a carnival-won goldfish, but unless your arm
for the ring toss is perfect, those chances are slim. And my arm sucks.
Emilia just told me Cassius and Sugar are sad in heaven
because she can’t see them.
So, she understands what happened, maybe even more than the rest of us.
Working on Mama Drama was an incredible experience, but in all
honesty, it scared the ever-living shit out of me.
It made me worry even more about raising strong, confident, satisfied women- and we haven’t yet had
our first parent/teacher conference. Luckily I’ll have a great pair of watchdogs keeping an eye
on us from above.
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| (Here's a little gem from behind the scenes...) |
