I have this ‘friend’ named Sharri-Dee. She’s got a younger sister, Penny, and
an older brother named… um… Scott.
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| Sharri-Dee, Scott & Penny |
Like any older sibling, Scott was really the one to break in
their Mom & Dad. He was the
first to get in trouble at school, first to get his driver’s license, and first
to have a keg party at home while his parents were away. (Actually, Sharri-Dee may have had that
distinct honor, but whatever.) In
most cases, the girls were lucky enough to follow in the footsteps of the
parental guidelines Scott had already hammered out.
For example, when Scott was a senior in high school, he got his
parents to graciously pony up the security deposit for an unchaperoned ski weekend in
Vermont for several friends, many of whom had a vajay-jay. Mom even let Scott
use her SUV for the weekend to help ensure everyone’s safety. You know, just your typical Hallmark
Channel Sunday Night Movie kind of stuff...
Obviously Sharri-Dee (let’s just call her SD) anxiously
awaited the winter weekend of her own final year. Every event seemed a rite of passage, and with good reason,
especially when the Hallmark Channel was involved.
So, I’m sure you can imagine SD’s pure shock when her Mother
revealed that the standards set by Scott wouldn’t be the norm moving forward. In fact, there would be no un-chaperoned
ski outing at all.
Hold up. Sharri-Dee’s
grades were better. She rarely got
in trouble and though her dreams of early acceptance to college weren’t
fulfilled, she knew that come fall she would be at an above-average university. What else could a parent ask for?! Over and over again, she asked ‘why’, like only a three year old could.
Why, why, why. Until
finally, she got her answer.
“Because Scott can’t get PREGNANT, that’s why!” Mom shouted
as though the weight of a million whys had simultaneously been lifted off her
shoulders. Unfortunately, their
heaviness moved directly onto Sharri-Dee’s heart- and their damage remains to
this day.
I learned in a college psych class that we cannot be
completely healthy adults until we deal with each of our unresolved issues from
childhood and adolescence. Honestly, that is an enormous buzz kill. Here’s why. (Yes, Sharri-Dee asks why a lot.)
Just last night Emilia and Isla were coloring before
bedtime. One stole a page that the
other wanted to color, and you’d have thought that Khloe slept with Kanye for
all the hell that broke loose.
Ninety seconds later, they were back to coloring as if
nothing had happened. I am so
thankful for the ease with which my kids can be so beautifully distracted, but
fearful of the day they can be no longer.
I want to spend more time coloring than arguing. And I want their memories to be of all
that I gave them, not of the few things I did not, no matter what the reason. (Unless, of course, my reason is
sexist, in which case I want them to remember my weakness and learn from it.)
And I know Sharri-Dee feels the very same way.
